Consent is a freely given, knowledgeable and informed* agreement without the use of force, fraud or fear and is revocable. It is the basis for every individual’s right to choose what happens to their body and should shape all of our social interactions. If any force, fraud or fear is used, it is not consent. 

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Joyce Short is the founder of the consent awareness network. Watch her TED talk to understand consent more or listen to her talk with Hope and Jola in their GHS podcast with her.

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Debunking consent myths:

• Just because you consented to something before, does not mean you have to go through with it again.

• Just because you consented to one thing, that does not automatically mean you consented to something else.

• Consent has to be informed and hence specific about what you’re consenting to.

• ·“Yes means yes”- this is not strictly true. If a ‘yes’ is induced by force, fraud or fear, it is not consent.

• You can ask to stop at any time, meaning you do not consent to continue and, in relation to sexual activity, if that is not respected, it is sexual assault.

 

Capacity to consent. People have to be able to freely give their consent. So if someone’s unconscious, drunk or asleep, they cannot freely give consent. Someone may have consented to sex whilst awake, but if they then pass out or fall asleep before you’re finished, you have to stop. You can’t assume they want to carry on.

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Definitions

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Sexual harassment: The broad term which encapsulates all types of unwelcome and non-consensual verbal and physical sexual attention. This includes but is not limited to: verbal harassment of a sexual nature such as ‘catcalling’ or jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation, physical acts of sexual assault, unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails or text messages and unwelcome sexual advances.

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Sexual assault: Any sexual contact or behaviour that occurs without explicit consent from the victim. This includes but is not limited to: attempted rape, unwanted sexual touching, forcing a victim to perform sexual acts and rape. 

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Rape The legal definition of rape is when a person intentionally penetrates another's vagina, anus or mouth with a penis, without the other person's consent.

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If you have been sexually assaulted:

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Remember that it is not your fault. It is important to seek the advice and support you need. If it has happened in the last 7 days, there may be forensic evidence that can be taken. These links will help you.

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Confused and not sure where to start or what to think? 

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This is also an excellent resource for more information, which includes how to support a victim of sexual assault.

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If you have been sexually harassed or assaulted, what can you expect from GHS:

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• You will be believed.

• You will be shown kindness, care and compassion.

• You will be informed of the process and supported throughout.

• If a crime has been committed, it is a legal requirement for the school to report it to the police.

• No member of staff can promise confidentiality to a disclosure made to them of a safeguarding* nature.

• We will always encourage you to come forward to seek this support from us. There is the GHS speak out app available to you (this appears as an app on you ipad)

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*safeguarding is the protection of an individual's health, wellbeing and human rights.

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Reporting Online Sexual Abuse:

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Under 18 and worried about online sexual abuse? To report, click to visit the CEOP Safety Centre.

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                                          Click here:

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CEOP is here to keep children safe from sexual abuse and grooming online. You can make a report directly to the CEOP Safety Centre by clicking on the Click CEOP button if something has happened online which has made you feel unsafe, scared or worried. This might be from someone you know in real life, or someone you have only ever met online. CEOP take all reports seriously and we will do everything we can to keep you safe. As well as making a report to the CEOP Safety Centre, the CEOP Education website has information and advice to help you if something has happened to you online.

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Understanding Trauma

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Understanding trauma responses is crucial for many different aspects of life- from the mental health industry to informing our criminal justice system to every-day interactions. Having a good understanding of trauma positively affects important decisions that are made, the health of survivors as well as helping us to learn more about how we react in stressful situations.

 

The Four Survival Responses

 

In the centre of the brain is the amygdala, often referred to as the fear centre of the brain. When the amygdala perceives a threat (real or otherwise) it transfers the message to the primitive brain where the “fight, flight or freeze” decision is made. Most common for women, there is also an additional response: “appease” (or sometimes referred to as 'fawn'). Oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ can also be produced under threat. This mechanism bonds women to their abuser in order to ensure survival and is incredibly misunderstood, causing many people to question why someone would stay with their abuser.

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Want to understand trauma more? Click here:

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Importance of control

 

In a traumatic situation, where there is a perceived threat to the body or emotions, we don’t have any control over how the body reacts. As a result of this, it is normal for people who have experienced a lot of trauma to either want to control all aspects of their life (sometimes to an unhealthy extent) or to have a complete lack of agency over their life, surrendering to control as the ability to protect themselves was taken from them. It is also incredibly important that survivors of sexual assault and other abuse have control over the next steps taken in dealing with their experiences; whether they want to report it to the police, talk about it publicly, when they want to start the healing process. These all have to be decisions that the survivor freely makes themselves, when they are ready to and want to.

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Healing

 

Whilst the process of healing from trauma can look different for everyone, there are some standard steps to take that are useful for most survivors. The first step in dealing with trauma is processing what has happened. For sexual assault survivors, this can look like recognising that they have been violated and noticing how it has affected them. Some steps to begin to heal from sexual trauma include:

• Releasing self blame. Due to the victim-blaming language embedded in our society and the shame survivors can feel after an experience of sexual assault, it can be easy to be very self critical. It is important to remember that the blame is always with the perpetrator. Sexual assault is always the fault of the perpetrator and never the victim’s fault. When noticing self-blaming behaviours, it can be useful to challenge them with affirmations and self compassion, reinforcing the fact that sexual assault is never the victim’s fault.

• Learning individual trauma reminders and coping styles. Recognising trauma reminders, including sounds, sights, tastes and smells that bring up difficult memories can be useful. This could look like writing a list of them. Then, learning what your coping style is. It could be active coping (coping by immediately starting to problem solve and plan) or avoidance coping (escaping into a fantasy world). Both styles of coping can be useful, although, avoidance coping is only helpful short-term. It can result in denial or dissociation long-term. It is also important to understand how to self soothe- a method to regulate the nervous system. This process looks different for each individual. Think about what has worked well at calming you down or bringing you comfort in the past. For more information about surviving trauma reminders and self-soothing, read this article: https://www.echotraining.org/how-to-survive-trauma-reminders/

• Reconnecting with the body. After experiencing sexual assault, the relationship that a survivor has with their body changes. Reconnecting with safe touch as well as enjoyable sports and physical exercises. There are special yoga practices for this which you can find online. Here is more information: https://youtu.be/RfKyCBv-Sp4

• Connecting with others. Connecting with other survivors, hearing their stories and validating your own can be a great way to help make things feel less alone. Alternatively, just having a strong community of people you feel safe around and trust is very helpful to the healing process.

• Therapy. Whilst not accessible to everyone nor vital in order to heal, trauma-informed therapists can positively assist the healing process. Although, it may take a while to trust them completely.

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